Just as we may constrict and control our lives to avoid experiencing feelings of guilt, we behave the same way in response to feelings of shame. Being ashamed in-advance is a guiding force in almost every life. Growing up, we learned to do almost anything to avoid being rejected or slighted. We became experts at anticipating and avoiding situations in which we might be embarrassed.
Being ashamed-in-advance is probably the single most important mechanism of social control. We are trapped in conformity by the perceived or presumed expectations of others and by our anticipation of being shamed if we dare step out of line. Being ashamed in-advance operates so automatically in us that we hardly recognize its dominant role in our lives.
Our introduction to shaming comes early in childhood. Throughout childhood, our social antennae stick up high into the social stratosphere to pick up incoming signals of potential shame.
Culled from Guilt, Anxiety and Shame by Peter R. Breggin
Abdulkareem,Taoheedah Kehinde
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